1
00:00:01,795 --> 00:00:03,764
[instrumental music]

2
00:00:03,797 --> 00:00:06,892
Hey, baby, look what I found
on our doorstep.

3
00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:08,527
If it's tickin'
and it's from Neesee

4
00:00:08,561 --> 00:00:10,896
I'm tellin' you right now,
don't open it, baby.

5
00:00:10,929 --> 00:00:13,532
It's our first engagement gift.
Look.

6
00:00:13,566 --> 00:00:16,334
[chuckles]
We're gettin' gifts
for gettin' it on.

7
00:00:16,368 --> 00:00:19,237
‐ What is it?
‐ It's probably broken now.

8
00:00:20,472 --> 00:00:22,875
‐ Uh‐oh!
‐ Huh!

9
00:00:22,908 --> 00:00:26,411
Chef and Foxy Brown
together at last.

10
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:27,713
[laughs]

11
00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:30,983
Baby, it's us
and we look like freaks.

12
00:00:31,016 --> 00:00:33,752
Super freaks.
I don't look that bad.

13
00:00:33,786 --> 00:00:36,388
Tsk. Please, we look like
a raggedy‐ass in Andy.

14
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:37,923
[laughs]

15
00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:40,726
I mean, come on, baby, look,
your fro is made out of Velcro.

16
00:00:40,759 --> 00:00:44,296
[laughs]
It's a velfro. Who sent it?

17
00:00:44,329 --> 00:00:45,931
I don't know, you know,
I looked, there was no note

18
00:00:45,964 --> 00:00:47,900
so I guess they got
a little bit of dignity.

19
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:49,968
[chuckles]
You know what we need.

20
00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:51,937
A Cadillac?

21
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:53,639
♪ With diamond in the back ♪

22
00:00:53,672 --> 00:00:55,273
♪ Sun roof top ♪

23
00:00:55,307 --> 00:00:57,242
♪ Diggin' the scene
with a gangsta lean ♪

24
00:00:57,275 --> 00:00:58,811
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪♪♪

25
00:00:58,844 --> 00:01:00,746
[laughing]

26
00:01:00,779 --> 00:01:04,016
Like the song says, baby,
be thankful for what you've got.

27
00:01:04,049 --> 00:01:06,384
Well, I'll be thankful
if we get a wedding registry

28
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:08,320
because I don't want
any more hideous things

29
00:01:08,353 --> 00:01:09,855
showin' up at our doorstep.

30
00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:11,890
[doorbell rings]

31
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,395
[chuckles]

32
00:01:17,429 --> 00:01:18,964
‐ Y'all talkin' about me?
‐ Hm?

33
00:01:18,997 --> 00:01:21,934
‐ Daddy!
‐ Hey, what's up, big fellow?

34
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,035
Come here. Ugh!

35
00:01:23,068 --> 00:01:25,370
‐ Hey, Bobby.
‐ Hi, Tia.

36
00:01:25,403 --> 00:01:26,639
Make sure
you get him in bed early

37
00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:28,507
he's got that field trip
to the zoo tomorrow.

38
00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:31,644
Don't even stress, he's gonna
have a quiet evening here.

39
00:01:33,445 --> 00:01:34,847
Get it off! Get it off!

40
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,414
Oh, Bob. Bob. Hey, hold..
Stand still.

41
00:01:36,448 --> 00:01:39,785
‐ Get it off!
‐ Take it off! Get it off!

42
00:01:39,818 --> 00:01:41,554
‐ Get it off!
‐ Get it off!

43
00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:43,822
Look, it's just daddy
and, and Tia.

44
00:01:43,856 --> 00:01:46,391
[screaming]

45
00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:50,896
♪ Often I wish that we ♪

46
00:01:50,929 --> 00:01:53,465
♪ Could take the time to see ♪

47
00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:58,070
♪ The need there is
to be a family yeah ♪

48
00:01:58,103 --> 00:02:00,472
♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

49
00:02:00,506 --> 00:02:02,941
♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

50
00:02:02,975 --> 00:02:04,810
♪ Time and seasons change ♪

51
00:02:04,843 --> 00:02:07,546
♪ But we will still remain ♪

52
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:12,017
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

53
00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:15,320
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

54
00:02:15,353 --> 00:02:17,923
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

55
00:02:22,661 --> 00:02:23,644
[instrumental music]

56
00:02:23,678 --> 00:02:25,813
Oh, well, I hope you're ready
for your engagement party

57
00:02:25,847 --> 00:02:27,749
because the hors d'oeuvres
I have planned

58
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,851
are going to be off the hook!

59
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,919
And I do mean
literally off the hook

60
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:33,254
because we're having sushi.

61
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,690
[gasps]
Shh!

62
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,125
You're going to upset my babies.

63
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,127
[chuckles]
So did you set up your registry?

64
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,997
Oh, girl, we're finally doin' it
tonight. I am so excited.

65
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,668
Whoa! A wild night
at the Linen Barn.

66
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:49,036
So are you and Robert
gonna hit the sheets?

67
00:02:50,672 --> 00:02:54,008
‐ Tia! Tia!
‐ Oh, Bobby, what's wrong?

68
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,110
Ms. Wilbur
won't let me on the bus.

69
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,245
Mommy forgot my permission slip.

70
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,781
Well, I'm sure you can still go.

71
00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:01,148
Uh, no, he can't.

72
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:03,050
Ever since little Lester
wandered in

73
00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:06,187
to that pack of mating wombats,
there's a new rule.

74
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,922
No slip, no trip.

75
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,625
And bring a change of clothes.

76
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:15,296
‐ But I wanna go!
‐ Oh, honey.

77
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,064
Poo happens.

78
00:03:17,098 --> 00:03:21,035
‐ But I wanna see the wombats.
‐ You will.

79
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,570
I'm just gonna go over here
and sign your mommy's name

80
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,107
on this slip
and everything's gonna be okay.

81
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:29,643
‐ Oh, I didn't hear that.
‐ Here you go.

82
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,212
‐ Thanks.
‐ Hey, have fun, baby.

83
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,980
And watch out for those wombats.

84
00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:35,817
‐ Okay.
‐ And the horny toads!

85
00:03:38,019 --> 00:03:41,088
What? They are some
freaky little critters.

86
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,629
[sighs]
Well, Larry,
you had a good week.

87
00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:53,267
[sighs]

88
00:03:54,869 --> 00:03:56,170
For the homies.

89
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,845
‐ What is this?
‐ A school.

90
00:04:03,878 --> 00:04:06,013
And we don't have
a liquor license.

91
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:09,016
No, I'm talkin' about this.

92
00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:10,985
I'd like to know how did Bobby
get on the bus today

93
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,020
with a forged permission slip.

94
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:14,889
Uh, listen, Neesee,
I only signed that slip

95
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,124
because you forgot to pack his.

96
00:04:17,158 --> 00:04:19,961
Mm‐hmm, well,
that answers one question

97
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,729
but I have another.

98
00:04:21,763 --> 00:04:23,364
Who the hell is Neesee Harrison?

99
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:26,367
‐ Uh, you?
‐ Uh, no.

100
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,370
‐ My name is Neesee James.
‐ Okay, I'm sorry.

101
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,605
I guess, I just assumed
that after the divorce

102
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,240
you went back
to your maiden name.

103
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,677
You know, your real name.

104
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,244
Neesee James is my real name.

105
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:38,980
Okay, it was a honest mistake.

106
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:41,382
Don't play with me, Tia.

107
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,150
I'm not.

108
00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:45,019
Look, Neesee,
you made a mistake.

109
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:48,389
I fixed it. Apology accepted.

110
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,925
Girl, you lucky
I found Jesus. Whoo!

111
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:56,163
[chuckles]
What,
is he working at Gucci now?

112
00:04:56,197 --> 00:04:58,733
[instrumental music]

113
00:05:00,702 --> 00:05:03,805
Well, baby, what happened today
was just Neesee bein' Neesee.

114
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:07,108
No, what happened today
was Neesee being Mrs. James.

115
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,076
Well, look, I don't like
that she has my name, either

116
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:11,412
but tonight it's not about her,
it's about us.

117
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,014
‐ And tonight..
‐ Yeah?

118
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:15,349
Us is about to get us a toaster.

119
00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:18,385
Cover me, baby.

120
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,621
Freeze. Excuse me, ma'am.
Shoot.

121
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,158
It's okay, we can go,
we can go over here now.

122
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,161
We can go over here now.
Did you hear that sound, huh?

123
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,797
That sound here means
that there's one less gift

124
00:05:29,831 --> 00:05:30,898
that we have to return.

125
00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:33,400
‐ You wanna try?
‐ Okay. Alright.

126
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,870
What you need to do
is just point at your target

127
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,973
get it in your cross hairs
and then squeeze nice and slow.

128
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,875
Ooh, I like the way
it feels in my hand.

129
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,677
‐ Me, too, girl.
‐ Good Lord.

130
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,445
Alright, here, Tia,
come on. Hey..

131
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,313
And pull the trigger, deputy

132
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:48,415
'cause I think there's
some gold in 'em there grills.

133
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,317
‐ Okay.
‐ Mm.

134
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,820
[laughing]
Feel better?

135
00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:54,088
Uh, yeah, I reckon so

136
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,924
but Neesee.
Ooh, she just gets on my nerves.

137
00:05:56,958 --> 00:05:58,225
Oh, come on, baby,
you don't have to worry

138
00:05:58,259 --> 00:06:00,294
about Neesee 'cause I love you

139
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:03,330
and you are the most important
Mrs. James in my life.

140
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,100
[chuckles]

141
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,035
‐ What are we laughin' at?
‐ Well, nothin'.

142
00:06:08,069 --> 00:06:09,804
You know,
I just, I just realized

143
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,806
that we're pickin' out
the china pattern

144
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,240
that we're gonna grow old with

145
00:06:13,274 --> 00:06:17,011
and we haven't discussed
me not changing my name.

146
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,046
Oh, that.

147
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,882
Oh..

148
00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:24,886
My baby is goin'
for the hyphen. Mwah.

149
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:28,055
You know what,
I'mma call you Mrs. Dash.

150
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:31,392
‐ Doop! There it is.
‐ Uh, no, honey, no.

151
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,494
I, I don't want the hyphen.

152
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,897
I mean, not to mention
the fact that Tia Jewel James

153
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:37,999
just sounds like a stripper.

154
00:06:38,032 --> 00:06:39,867
[beeps]

155
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,302
Yeah, yeah. It's the..

156
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,437
It's the James
that screams lap dance.

157
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,439
I mean,
it's like you'll never hear

158
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:49,110
"Coming to the stage,
the sexy, the vivacious..

159
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:51,478
[imitates dress ripping]
...James!"

160
00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:55,316
Okay, okay. Come here.

161
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,754
I'm very proud to be your wife

162
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,924
but I'm also very proud
to be Tia Jewel.

163
00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:04,892
Now, I know
you can understand that.

164
00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:08,095
Nah, I understand that
whatever I think doesn't matter.

165
00:07:08,129 --> 00:07:09,864
That's not true.

166
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,299
But come on. Come on! Now,
see, we were having fun, see?

167
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,969
Just mount on up, cowboy

168
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,838
and let's start a‐bloopin'.

169
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:19,406
Hm, you know what,
I'm not bloopin' nothin'.

170
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,809
Tell me, I mean, a‐are there
any other life choices

171
00:07:21,843 --> 00:07:24,311
you made for us
that I need to know about?

172
00:07:24,345 --> 00:07:26,047
Like, are, are we Jewish?

173
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,515
'Cause if I need to be
circumcised, I need to know now.

174
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,418
‐ You're being childish.
‐ No.

175
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,821
Bein' childish is if you bloop

176
00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:37,491
a bunch of Crockpots just
to make a point. You understand?

177
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,861
Okay, okay, stop,
you're ruinin' the registry.

178
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:42,229
No, I think if Tia Jewel
can have what she wants

179
00:07:42,263 --> 00:07:43,965
Robert James should be able
to have what he wants

180
00:07:43,998 --> 00:07:45,833
and right now Robert James
wants a bunch of Crockpots

181
00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:47,034
and he's gonna get
a lot of Crockpots.

182
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:48,836
[gibberish]

183
00:07:48,870 --> 00:07:51,873
‐ Okay, that's enough!
‐ Ugh! Ugh! Ugh‐ugh!

184
00:07:54,075 --> 00:07:55,943
Where you goin', woman?

185
00:07:55,977 --> 00:07:57,178
Hey, Tia..

186
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,983
When I turn around, you better
be here, that's all I know.

187
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,391
[instrumental music]

188
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,205
I mean, it took Tia
a few days to calm down

189
00:08:14,239 --> 00:08:16,141
but she's still
bein' unreasonable.

190
00:08:16,174 --> 00:08:19,110
She's like,
"I don't never want your name.

191
00:08:19,144 --> 00:08:22,914
I don't like it.
I don't wanna be a stripper."

192
00:08:22,948 --> 00:08:24,182
There's your problem
right there.

193
00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:25,817
You can't ask her
to take your name

194
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:27,786
and strip for you
on the same day.

195
00:08:27,819 --> 00:08:29,755
[chuckles]

196
00:08:29,788 --> 00:08:31,356
You gotta pace yourself.

197
00:08:31,389 --> 00:08:34,259
Hey, Mr. LA, it's promo time.

198
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:37,963
Now, when you see the red light,
just, just smile and don't wink.

199
00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:39,464
It looks creepy.

200
00:08:39,498 --> 00:08:42,267
Turtle, you're the assistant,
I'm the producer.

201
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:44,469
I decide if he winks.

202
00:08:44,503 --> 00:08:47,105
‐ Thank you, Dirk.
‐ Don't wink.

203
00:08:47,138 --> 00:08:48,840
You look like
that little Clay Aiken boy.

204
00:08:48,874 --> 00:08:50,108
[laughs]

205
00:08:50,141 --> 00:08:52,043
Alright, let's break
this Tia situation then.

206
00:08:52,077 --> 00:08:53,912
‐ Tia's gotta take your name.
‐ I know.

207
00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:55,947
I mean, a‐and you know,
it's not just a name.

208
00:08:55,981 --> 00:08:58,049
It's her commitment
to our relationship

209
00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,284
we're talkin' about here, right?

210
00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:00,986
Wrong,
it's because if she doesn't

211
00:09:01,019 --> 00:09:02,954
it makes you look
like a little bitch.

212
00:09:04,489 --> 00:09:06,925
‐ Well, I ain't no bitch.
‐ You're on.

213
00:09:11,963 --> 00:09:14,365
Hey, look, Dirk, it's not like
I'm doing this, like

214
00:09:14,399 --> 00:09:16,201
caveman style,
I didn't club her in the head

215
00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:18,136
drag her in to a cave
and make her take my name.

216
00:09:18,169 --> 00:09:20,305
It'd be easier to get you
some press if you did.

217
00:09:22,073 --> 00:09:24,309
Just something to think about.

218
00:09:24,342 --> 00:09:26,978
Gentlemen,
a name doesn't actually change

219
00:09:27,012 --> 00:09:28,914
what something is, well

220
00:09:28,947 --> 00:09:31,182
unless, of course,
that name is Abracadabra.

221
00:09:31,216 --> 00:09:33,084
[mumbles]

222
00:09:33,118 --> 00:09:35,320
That aside, okay,
what I call a sweet potato

223
00:09:35,353 --> 00:09:38,189
others may call it yam,
but that doesn't change the fact

224
00:09:38,223 --> 00:09:40,926
that it's delicious when
sprinkled with brown sugar.

225
00:09:42,928 --> 00:09:46,364
And we all know that Tia
has got plenty of brown sugar.

226
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:51,302
Why you gotta go there,
man? Just..

227
00:09:51,336 --> 00:09:55,140
No, wait. Turtle's got a point.
Tia's name doesn't change her.

228
00:09:55,173 --> 00:09:58,777
It changes you
in to a little bitch.

229
00:09:58,810 --> 00:09:59,811
Well, I've to tell you,
man, it was

230
00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:01,813
a whole lot easier with Neesee.

231
00:10:01,847 --> 00:10:03,448
She wanted my name
on our first date

232
00:10:03,481 --> 00:10:05,116
and she still hasn't let it go.

233
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:07,819
Hold up. You let Neesee keep
your name after the divorce?

234
00:10:07,853 --> 00:10:10,288
Well, I didn't let her keep it.
She jacked it.

235
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:13,959
No wonder why
Tia's not makin' the switch.

236
00:10:13,992 --> 00:10:15,393
A new wife's
never gonna take your name

237
00:10:15,426 --> 00:10:16,862
if the ex
is still flossin' with it.

238
00:10:16,895 --> 00:10:18,163
But whatever happened to that

239
00:10:18,196 --> 00:10:20,465
I'm‐Tia‐Jewel‐
I‐am‐woman‐hear‐me‐roar

240
00:10:20,499 --> 00:10:21,533
stuff she was talkin' about.

241
00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:22,901
It's a smokescreen.

242
00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:24,235
Woman talk that crap
so you don't know

243
00:10:24,269 --> 00:10:27,472
how territorial and demented
they really are.

244
00:10:27,506 --> 00:10:29,207
Yeah, well,
I don't blame her, man.

245
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,309
You know, I wouldn't wanna
share a name with Neesee.

246
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:34,946
I mean, after all,
James is my name.

247
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,948
Yeah, yours
and ten million other Americans.

248
00:10:36,982 --> 00:10:39,150
[chuckles]

249
00:10:39,184 --> 00:10:41,019
What? It's a very common name.

250
00:10:42,053 --> 00:10:43,589
Well, in America.

251
00:10:43,622 --> 00:10:46,992
Very few Jameses in Mexico.

252
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:49,060
I'm goin' over to Neesee's
and I'mma straighten this out.

253
00:10:49,094 --> 00:10:50,529
That's right. You ain't no punk.

254
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:52,263
That's right 'cause I'm a man.

255
00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,433
I'm about to handle my business
like a man

256
00:10:55,466 --> 00:10:57,936
right after
I wash up my makeup.

257
00:10:57,969 --> 00:11:00,906
[instrumental music]

258
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:06,444
‐ Robert.
‐ Neesee, we need to talk.

259
00:11:06,477 --> 00:11:08,346
I guess your little ginger snap
told you

260
00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:10,381
she forged
Bobby's permission slip.

261
00:11:10,415 --> 00:11:12,383
Yes, my beloved fiancee
let me know

262
00:11:12,417 --> 00:11:14,452
she picked up your slack.

263
00:11:14,485 --> 00:11:18,423
Robert, I'm really trying
to work with you on this

264
00:11:18,456 --> 00:11:20,559
and I'm really tryin'
to give you your space.

265
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,894
But your peanut‐butter cup
got one more half a time

266
00:11:22,928 --> 00:11:25,463
to smack me in my face
before I just‐‐

267
00:11:25,497 --> 00:11:27,198
Will you just calm down, Neesee?

268
00:11:27,232 --> 00:11:28,500
She tried to embarrass me

269
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:30,335
in front of the whole school,
Robert.

270
00:11:30,368 --> 00:11:32,504
Tia wouldn't do that.

271
00:11:32,538 --> 00:11:33,872
She's not you.

272
00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,042
Ooh, oh, no.

273
00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:40,078
Then she just got you whipped
in stupid, then, huh?

274
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,414
She not foolin' me, Robert.

275
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:45,450
I know what time it is.

276
00:11:45,483 --> 00:11:47,085
Yeah, well, speakin' of time

277
00:11:47,118 --> 00:11:49,087
how much longer do you think
you'll be keeping my name?

278
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,890
Oh, well, let me check my watch.

279
00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:55,393
See that four, put a ever
behind, then add a day.

280
00:11:55,426 --> 00:11:58,329
[chuckles]
Yeah, well, um

281
00:11:58,363 --> 00:12:00,632
I was thinkin',
a little sooner than that.

282
00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:04,402
See the two, add a morrow
and subtract a day.

283
00:12:06,037 --> 00:12:08,006
[scoffs]

284
00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:10,909
Robert,
what are you doin' over here?

285
00:12:10,942 --> 00:12:13,378
Did Tia send you over here
to do her dirty work?

286
00:12:13,411 --> 00:12:15,213
Comin' over here
wasn't Tia's idea.

287
00:12:15,246 --> 00:12:16,582
Oh, was it Dirk's?

288
00:12:18,016 --> 00:12:20,085
That's not the point.

289
00:12:20,118 --> 00:12:22,387
Look, Neesee,
when you gave up on the marriage

290
00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:24,022
you gave up on a name,
and I would appreciate it

291
00:12:24,055 --> 00:12:25,591
if you just stop
holdin' on to it.

292
00:12:25,624 --> 00:12:28,994
First of all,
I'm not holdin' on to your name.

293
00:12:29,027 --> 00:12:30,996
I'm holdin' on
to our son's name.

294
00:12:31,029 --> 00:12:32,330
When I pick Bobby up from school

295
00:12:32,363 --> 00:12:34,666
I don't wanna have to explain
who I am.

296
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,569
I'm not his nanny,
I'm not his babysitter

297
00:12:37,603 --> 00:12:39,337
I'm his mother.

298
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,974
I didn't have my mother's
last name. And I hated it.

299
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:44,576
We're family.

300
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:47,445
We're gonna have the same last
name whether you like it or not.

301
00:12:57,222 --> 00:13:00,291
Yam. Sweet potato.

302
00:13:02,728 --> 00:13:05,664
[instrumental music]

303
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,037
‐ Hey, Tia. Ooh!
‐ 'You ready?'

304
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:16,307
Who gave you this lovely thing?

305
00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:18,009
I don't know.

306
00:13:18,043 --> 00:13:21,446
Have you ever seen anything
that ugly?

307
00:13:21,479 --> 00:13:24,983
Well, not since the three weeks
I spent crocheting it.

308
00:13:25,016 --> 00:13:28,253
Ooh. Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

309
00:13:28,286 --> 00:13:30,321
Girl, I'm just playin'
with you. Aha!

310
00:13:30,355 --> 00:13:32,457
You should've seen the look
on your face!

311
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,325
‐ Here, girl, have a cosmo.
‐ Oh..

312
00:13:35,627 --> 00:13:37,262
Hey, baby.

313
00:13:37,295 --> 00:13:39,464
I really need to talk to you
about this last‐name thing.

314
00:13:39,498 --> 00:13:41,466
Okay, baby, but the party
is getting ready to start

315
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,269
and...you stink.

316
00:13:44,302 --> 00:13:45,403
Come on, baby, we need to talk.

317
00:13:45,436 --> 00:13:47,005
No, come on.
Oh, see, see that? Here.

318
00:13:47,038 --> 00:13:48,173
Come on, come on,
wash it, rub it, scrub it.

319
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:49,708
Come on, go, go, go. Just go.

320
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,610
First guest.
I'll get the hors d'oeuvre.

321
00:13:51,643 --> 00:13:53,044
Yeah, you do that.

322
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,447
Neesee?

323
00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:59,184
Tia, I'm gonna make this quick.

324
00:13:59,217 --> 00:14:00,752
Am I disturbin' something?

325
00:14:02,721 --> 00:14:04,990
We're getting ready
to have our engagement party.

326
00:14:07,626 --> 00:14:11,362
Look, Neesee, I wanna apologize
for the other day.

327
00:14:11,396 --> 00:14:13,632
I really didn't mean
to offend you.

328
00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:16,401
Thank you,
and I'll accept your apology

329
00:14:16,434 --> 00:14:20,639
if, uh, you can look me
in my face and honestly tell me

330
00:14:20,672 --> 00:14:22,808
you didn't intentionally sign
my maiden name

331
00:14:22,841 --> 00:14:24,743
just to try to get to me.

332
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:27,278
What? Oh, no.

333
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:32,050
I..
Okay. Okay.

334
00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:34,485
Maybe I had
a momentary lapse of sanity

335
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,655
and I might've got a little
satisfaction out of it

336
00:14:36,688 --> 00:14:40,626
especially when I saw your face,
but that was wrong.

337
00:14:40,659 --> 00:14:42,360
I knew it. I knew‐‐

338
00:14:42,393 --> 00:14:44,596
Whoa‐whoa‐whoa, hold on.

339
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:47,733
Before you go on, I need you
to come over here and tell me

340
00:14:47,766 --> 00:14:49,267
that there's not
some part of you

341
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,069
that's not holdin' on
to the James name

342
00:14:51,102 --> 00:14:53,505
because you still wanna be
Mrs. LA.

343
00:14:55,373 --> 00:14:56,508
[humming]

344
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,812
Tia, if you're wonderin'
if I enjoy the perks

345
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:04,315
that go along with it,
the answer is hell, yeah.

346
00:15:04,349 --> 00:15:06,284
See, I thought
a independent woman

347
00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:07,352
wouldn't wanna be bothered wi‐‐

348
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:09,220
Oh, and see,
you can't talk to me

349
00:15:09,254 --> 00:15:10,556
about bein' independent.

350
00:15:10,589 --> 00:15:12,691
I'm a single woman
raising a child.

351
00:15:12,724 --> 00:15:14,826
There's no one more independent
than that.

352
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:16,528
And until you have a child
of your own

353
00:15:16,562 --> 00:15:20,832
you won't be able
to understand that, period.

354
00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:23,234
And as far
as my name is concerned

355
00:15:23,268 --> 00:15:26,137
this mother is keeping it
for her son

356
00:15:26,171 --> 00:15:29,074
because that's what families do.

357
00:15:32,711 --> 00:15:35,514
Okay, well, Neesee,
I'm really glad

358
00:15:35,547 --> 00:15:38,584
that I had an opportunity
to hear what you have to say

359
00:15:38,617 --> 00:15:41,119
and I'll just tell Robert
that you stopped by.

360
00:15:46,525 --> 00:15:49,561
‐ Neesee, you're looking lovely.
‐ Shut up.

361
00:15:53,398 --> 00:15:56,802
Hi. Well, you guys
all came at the same time, huh?

362
00:15:56,835 --> 00:15:59,137
Yep, and we certainly
didn't hear anything

363
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:01,106
on the other side of the door.

364
00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:06,411
I see my baby's found
a happy home.

365
00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:07,679
Oh, that's a nice try.

366
00:16:07,713 --> 00:16:09,581
You know, Jonelle
already tried that on me

367
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:13,284
and, you, you couldn't knit
anything that ugly if you tried.

368
00:16:13,318 --> 00:16:14,485
[laughing]

369
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,321
Oh, I accept your challenge.

370
00:16:18,456 --> 00:16:20,759
And I look forward
to your next birthday.

371
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:23,428
[scoffs]
You know,
if you're gonna send me velfro

372
00:16:23,461 --> 00:16:25,196
you gotta put a note on it,
okay?

373
00:16:31,402 --> 00:16:34,205
Hey, you know, Neesee
was up in here a minute ago.

374
00:16:34,239 --> 00:16:35,473
‐ For real?
‐ Yeah.

375
00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:36,708
You want me
to get my people on it?

376
00:16:36,742 --> 00:16:38,243
Oh, Dirk, the only people

377
00:16:38,276 --> 00:16:40,646
you have is me
and I'm already on it.

378
00:16:42,781 --> 00:16:44,583
Hey, baby,
what was Neesee doin' here?

379
00:16:44,616 --> 00:16:45,851
Oh, we were just havin'
some girl talk.

380
00:16:45,884 --> 00:16:47,185
What do you mean?

381
00:16:47,218 --> 00:16:48,353
That just means
that me and you need

382
00:16:48,386 --> 00:16:49,755
to have some boy‐girl talk.

383
00:16:49,788 --> 00:16:52,290
Baby, I think
we need to start over.

384
00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:54,926
‐ Start over?
‐ From the beginning.

385
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,929
So, basically, get out.

386
00:17:00,632 --> 00:17:02,534
‐ But this is my house.
‐ Less talking, more walking.

387
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:04,736
Come on now.

388
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:07,372
And, uh, uh, knock
while you're out there. Knock.

389
00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:09,741
[knocking on door]

390
00:17:10,776 --> 00:17:12,511
Uh, who is it?

391
00:17:12,544 --> 00:17:13,779
(Robert)
'I don't know
who you want me to be.'

392
00:17:13,812 --> 00:17:15,681
Boy, just be you!

393
00:17:15,714 --> 00:17:17,883
'That's the guy you threw out
in the first place.'

394
00:17:20,351 --> 00:17:23,321
Mm‐mm, mm‐mm. Mm.

395
00:17:23,354 --> 00:17:24,990
Well, hey.

396
00:17:25,023 --> 00:17:28,226
You fine, butter‐pecan‐tan man.

397
00:17:28,259 --> 00:17:29,828
You know,
I never met you before

398
00:17:29,861 --> 00:17:31,797
but I think I love you.

399
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:34,399
[chuckles]
I never met you, either

400
00:17:34,432 --> 00:17:38,236
but you want
mocha choco latte ya‐ya.

401
00:17:38,269 --> 00:17:39,538
And I love you, too.

402
00:17:40,939 --> 00:17:42,608
‐ What was that?
‐ First base.

403
00:17:42,641 --> 00:17:44,342
Well I'm about to steal second.

404
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,277
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't know you like that.

405
00:17:46,311 --> 00:17:48,379
No, no, no. You need to tell me
more stuff about yourself.

406
00:17:48,413 --> 00:17:50,816
You know,
I need to hear something.

407
00:17:50,849 --> 00:17:52,417
Alright. Ahem.

408
00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:54,520
‐ My name is Robert James.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

409
00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:57,455
‐ And I'm a underwear model.
‐ Oh. Oh.

410
00:17:57,488 --> 00:18:01,426
And I like long walks
in the rain, naked.

411
00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:04,295
‐ How about you?
‐ Oh, well..

412
00:18:04,329 --> 00:18:05,964
I like underwear models

413
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,799
in the rain

414
00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:09,735
without their underwear.

415
00:18:09,768 --> 00:18:11,870
And I'm Tia Jewel.

416
00:18:11,903 --> 00:18:15,907
‐ Soon to be Tia Jewel James.
‐ Uh‐huh?

417
00:18:15,941 --> 00:18:19,277
You're gettin' married
and you're takin' the hyphen?

418
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:21,012
Yeah, you know,
I met this little joker

419
00:18:21,046 --> 00:18:23,381
who I might wanna have kids with

420
00:18:23,414 --> 00:18:26,918
and...I just think
we should share a name

421
00:18:26,952 --> 00:18:29,320
because that's what families do.

422
00:18:29,354 --> 00:18:31,022
‐ It is.
‐ It is.

423
00:18:31,056 --> 00:18:33,959
Hm, you must really like
this dude.

424
00:18:33,992 --> 00:18:35,827
Oh, he alright, you know?

425
00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:37,829
‐ He's just alright?
‐ He's cool. He cool, he cool.

426
00:18:37,863 --> 00:18:40,799
‐ He just alright, huh?
‐ Yay, you know? Yay.

427
00:18:40,832 --> 00:18:42,934
[mumbles]

428
00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:44,836
‐ Alright.
‐ Mm?

429
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:46,605
Break it up. You in a kitchen.

430
00:18:46,638 --> 00:18:49,007
Nobody's that in love.

431
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,677
Well, hot party, though. Tia,
I just met your girl, Vivian.

432
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,779
I'm about to go
lay my mack down.

433
00:18:53,812 --> 00:18:56,014
Well, how do I look?
Check me out. Teeth.

434
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,784
‐ Nose. Pits.
‐ Stop.

435
00:18:58,817 --> 00:19:02,087
Look, Dirk, I‐I think we should
start from the beginning, man.

436
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,656
‐ Get out.
‐ What?

437
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:07,392
No, it's just this little
funny thing that Tia showed me.

438
00:19:07,425 --> 00:19:10,061
You'll like it, it's fun. Yeah.

439
00:19:10,095 --> 00:19:11,630
What the hell
are you talkin' about?

440
00:19:11,663 --> 00:19:13,732
When I close the door, knock.

441
00:19:13,765 --> 00:19:15,100
‐ I'mma go lay my mack down.
‐ Just, just..

442
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,435
[gibberish]

443
00:19:20,906 --> 00:19:23,542
[knocking on door]

444
00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:25,544
(Dirk)
'Alright, come on, bro,
open the door.'

445
00:19:25,577 --> 00:19:27,513
[knocking on door]

446
00:19:27,546 --> 00:19:28,980
'Stop playin', man,
open the door!'

447
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:38,416
Oh, my goodness.
Is this what I think it is?

448
00:19:38,449 --> 00:19:42,981
Only if what you're thinking
is...Crockpot!

449
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,850
Crockpot!

450
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,218
[laughs]

451
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:50,322
‐ Crockpot!
‐ Crockpot!

452
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,691
Hello, I'm Crocodile Dundee.

453
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,927
[laughing]

454
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,530
Hey, baby, look, look, look..

455
00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,999
♪ Crock my baby ♪♪♪

456
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,536
Hey, baby,
let's play "Miami Vice."

457
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,638
You be Tubbs
and I'll be Crockett.

458
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,806
[laughing]

459
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,943
Hey, baby, baby, come on,
you're crockin' me up.

460
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,512
[laughing]

461
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,747
Come on, baby,
we gotta go upstairs

462
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,882
and we gotta get up
at the crock‐of‐dawn!

463
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:19,418
[laughing]

464
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,886
‐ Crock! Crock!
‐ Crock! Crock!

465
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:21,987
‐ Who's there?
‐ I don't know.

466
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:23,288
Uh, me neither.

467
00:20:23,321 --> 00:20:25,591
[instrumental music]

468
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:30,463
[theme music]